Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Rabbit Hole

The "Rabbit Hole", my Saturday night movie, has turned out completely different than what I thought it would be. I was lured to watch it because of the poster I had seen with allusions to the "Others" and "Sixth Sense". I expected that the film would take me for a journey on verge of two worlds, an intense mix of psychological suspense and thriller.

 But the film doesn't really explore the other reality (although it it becomes an important motive in the story), only gently hints it. There are no stunning plot twists or double personalities. It is not a thriller. Not a mystery.

And yet I cannot say it let me down. There is such an emotional intensity, that is slowly being built up, until the climax.

I watched the drifting apart of Becca and Howie with growing anxiousness. And maybe now that I think about it  for a moment I was in some way irritated with Becca for being cold. I could not entirely connect with her pain through her anger until paradoxically she showed the deep anger, that was at the core of her grief. 

I am not sure I can quite explain the difference between this anger or irritation that is on the surface of things and the one that really shares what is going in inside you. That lets you connect.

It's like with that difference in talking about things  and being heard and sharing. Becca and Howie try talking with each other, they talk with their friends with their family. They try being honest. They seem to be doing the "right" things. Do something. Cope. And yet it seems to just create more distance.

At some point the changes do happen in the film. Heart- to-heart conversations do take place. There is a way to find some relief. To reconnect.

But if you asked me to describe what has to happen to get there, I cannot say exactly.  That's part of the mystery of the film. Of grieving itself.  And I like the way "The Rabbit Hole" portrays that. That is real.

Maybe it's about giving yourself the time and the space to live this time the way you need to, to follow your intuition, even if it seems the way Becca does meeting that young boy. But how do you that so that you don't cut others off?

Maybe it's about keeping constantly ready to reach out they way Howie is, or Becca's mother, to keep on showing love. But how do you do it in a way that you don't find yourself being over nice and blow up in the end because you don't feel cared for?

How to be there for the other person without giving advice, recipes, and yet being authentic--because there are things you want to say?

I think it was a film I needed to see that night.

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