I was irritated today, as things did not seem to go as smoothly as planned. I went to the office and couldn't work there because of a large delivery taking a big part of the office. I did not have my computer with me, I could not go home, as I had an appointment later on. Every night I go to sleep fretting how on earth I shall get everything done on time in the coming weeks, so it seemed like a blow to my vow, that I would manage.
Nevertheless, I did some errands and finally decided to sit in a cafe. In theory I was trying to make the best of the situation, in reality I absolutely wanted to complain to someone, to share my distress. I caught my friend on Facebook. I am sure he was sympathetic, but he told me one simple thing: enjoy your moment of rest. For a brief moment I wanted to roll my eyes with disbelief. Didn't he know that the whole world was against me, that I was wasting precious time which I could not afford? But then a chord struck in me. I felt a wave of calmness coming down on me.
As unexpected as this moment was, and even though I was still feeling anxious about catching up on time, one thing was clear. It was beautiful to have a moment in peace over coffee. It did not even occur to me I could take this moment to think, to dream or to feel the space around me. I had been so caught up in the cycle of disciplining myself to work, and resisting to it (which ended in me guiltily browsing the internet), that I did not see the gift of this moment. I decided to saviour it.