January seems to be a month of excitement, vivid memories of holiday craze and starting new. But this year I am discovering its sadness. Maybe it's a sadness that comes from the fact that I recall all the failed new year resolutions from the past years? And that as much planning as you might do, growth isn't a linear process. I come back to the old issues, new come up... Awakened by the holiday cards and wishes I also think of all the people I would like to see and catch up with. But then deep down I know might not keep in touch as I would like to, or even worse meet up with them.
It's not a kind of sadness that makes me panic though. I'd like to think of it as a sadness that is closer melancholy and nostalgia. A kind of blanket to wrap up in and stay still for a while.
I lately learned that the first nations in America assigned a special meaning to January as a month of dreaming. So I think of this month as a time to create a space for wrapping myself literally in a blanket each day and dream of who I want to be this year looking beyond lists, resolutions, promises and declarations, even it means first being with this sadness for a while.